The anorgasmia is understood as difficult or impossible dysfunction in women, experience orgasm. When you have not been able to feel it, it is never called primary anorgasmia.
If you have ever experienced it and the problem arises only at certain times it is called occasional orgasmic dysfunction.
Many women who suffer from this dysfunction think that they have a defect (as if some lever failed them) that prevents them from feeling orgasm. However, it is a mistake. All women are born ready to experience it.
In some cases, women comment that it is easier for them to feel it when they masturbate than through intercourse with a partner.
This is common and has a physiological explanation. The female organ “designed” exclusively to produce pleasure is the clitoris, located right at the point where the labia minora (inner) meet.
If we take into account that during intercourse, female stimulation is carried out mainly in the vagina (which does not have nerve endings except in its outer third), it is not surprising that orgasm is prompted more often when, through masturbation, the clitoris is excited (by the way, to pleasure).
It seems that, as stated by Blumstein and Schwartz, orgasm is a subjective pleasure consisting of more than the objective sensations produced by physical spasms.
Causes of anorgasmia
Sexuality is shaped by the interaction of three dimensions: physical, psychological and social. Any alteration in any of them will cause dysfunctions. In the case of women, some dimensions such as the education received (within the social aspect) and the psychological one may have more weight than the physiological one.
In the case of anorgasmia, the biological causes can be very varied: alterations that affect the nerves of the pelvis, circulatory disorders that damage this same area, endocrine disorders such as diabetes or estrogen deficiency, gynecological disorders such as alterations anatomy of the vagina or uterus, the consumption of substances such as: alcohol, narcotics, barbiturates and tranquilizers, the use of drugs (for the treatment of hypertension or depression).
These causes are more frequent when the woman has felt orgasms on some occasion and after starting, for example, a period of prescription of drugs, of those previously mentioned, she has stopped feeling them.
Regarding the reasons that induce orgasm problems related to the psychological and social systems, it is necessary to distinguish, first of all, whether it is primary anorgasmia or not. If so, having feelings of sexual guilt is more common in women who suffer from it than in those with orgasm problems. Most of them have had a negative sexual education. Although having this type of education does not predestine you to suffer sexual dysfunctions, it is a risk factor for suffering them.
In many cases this type of sex education develops negative attitudes towards masturbation and thoughts about the abomination of sexual fantasies. Both aspects, negative attitudes and thoughts, make the experience of orgasm difficult. When this is the case, sex therapy will need to include interventions aimed at modifying these ideas.
Other theories defend that in women who suffer from anorgasmia, image problems are evident, the same ones related to anorexia or bulimia (excessive self-criticism, high levels of perfectionism …).
This idea is related to that of Kaplan, who argues that the origin of anorgasmia lies in the habitual tendency to maintain excessive control over feelings or behaviors.
Finally, we must not forget something that seems obvious, although for many it is not: bad relationships.
These are also a breeding ground for orgasm problems.
If there is abuse (physical or mental), if the only relationship that is maintained with the partner is in bed, or it is only done when the man wants, among the various examples that we could give, there are many probabilities of little disposition on the part of the woman to enjoy the sexual act.
How is it produced?
This inhibition, in turn, fosters other sexual failures that are the origin of the pressures to act, producing a vicious cycle that self-sustains the dysfunction process.
Some women try to find solutions individually such as having intercourse more often or controlling all factors before and during the act in order to facilitate the achievement of orgasm.
In any case, if the normal arousal phase occurs, the immediate causes of orgasm problems, according to Marsters and Johnson, are performance pressures and the anxieties that arise because of them.
All of this reduces spontaneity and externally transforms sexual activity into goal-oriented work that makes relaxation difficult.
In this way the anxiety is established more deeply.
If after trying several alternatives the problem is not solved, it is likely that it will worsen and even lead to other alterations such as a reduction in the woman’s excitability.
What are the effects of anorgasmia
In many cases the first consequence that anorgasmia produces is the falsification, on the part of the woman, of the orgasm. Making the man believe that she too gets full pleasure from sexual activity may at first be a way to protect the man from possible dysfunction.
However, if it is maintained, this pattern of response supposes a very serious interference in the communication of the couple that can lead to very negative consequences.
If the man thinks that the woman is achieving orgasm, he is not going to do anything to modify the sexual patterns that he maintains since he believes that he must be doing it well. In this way, there is a tendency to continue with inappropriate and habitual sexual conducts, which does not help to overcome the problem but rather to perpetuate and exacerbate it.
Another consequence is Pelvic Congestion. If after the normal arousal phase, orgasm is not achieved, a large amount of blood accumulates in the uterus, producing varicose veins around it. This is called pelvic congestion and causes, among others, discomfort during intercourse and when sitting.
How is it diagnosed?
Once the possibility of a pharmacological or physiological origin of the dysfunction has been eliminated, the diagnosis will be aimed at analyzing whether an orgasm has ever been experienced or not.
To fully understand the origin of anorgasmia, it is necessary to identify the factors that block orgasm, preventing it from arising spontaneously.
a) The usual sexual patterns:
- The aspects of sexuality that make women feel most uncomfortable
- The most satisfying lived experiences
- The sexual aspects that feel most pleasant
- The most frustrating
b) The type of communication you establish with your partner about your sexual sensitivity before, during or after intercourse.
c) The conceptions that he maintains about sex:
- The aspects that concern you the most
- Opinion on masturbation, oral sex …
- Your positive and negative sexual attitudes
- The description of a perfect sexual encounter
- Your opinion on whether a woman should feel any pleasure in the sexual experience
- If you have internalized sex as one more task that the woman should perform in the marriage rather than as a playful and pleasant activity
- If you eliminate possible sexual fantasies while maintaining relationships with your partner because it is a “thought infidelity.”
d) The educational standards received:
- If in childhood and adolescence you have been taught that you should not “touch down there” or you were hinted that the genital area is impure.
- If you have been taught that everything related to sex and masturbation is sinful until it is done out of love.
- If after the stories (“Sleeping Beauty”, “Cinderella” …) it continues with “romantic novels” in which the love scenes are always pleasant and sensual and the endings, happy.
- If, due to the education received, he has ended up associating sex with “making love” and this, in turn, with intercourse, implying that the only objective of sexual intercourse is penetration, invalidating, at the same time, everything that is not be shared sex.
e) Other aspects:
- If you have self-image problems
- If you tend to be overly self-critical and overthink while having sex instead of being more sensitive
- If you are aware of problems in your sexual relationships but have not bothered to try to solve them.
Treatment of anorgasmia
The woman who wants to find a solution to her anorgasmia problem must sensitize herself to the idea that the easiest way to achieve it is to have orgasms on her own. This assumes that the woman takes an active role in treatment and a commitment to exercise for three to five weeks.
The first step has already been done, together with the specialist, in the diagnostic process. It is about analyzing your previous and current sexual behavior in order to become familiar with it.
Know what to avoid (for example inappropriate thinking) or what to develop (positive sexual attitudes).
Afterwards, she must become aware of her body through some sessions of directed sensitive concentration, the objective of which is to know the sensations that she perceives through the caresses that she will perform on her body.
After several sessions you will begin to notice the orgasmic platform as well as the orgasm. If you have succeeded during several sessions, you have to try again with some variations: caressing yourself in a different way, intensity, rhythm, duration or stimulating yourself with fantasies and readings.
Later, if the woman does not know them, it is advisable to look at them with a mirror to learn what their parts are and the sensations that caresses provide in each of them.
Once your body is known, it goes on to self-stimulation for 30 ‘a day. It should start throughout the body and later focus on those parts that bring you the most pleasure.
It is convenient to concentrate on those touches or circumstances that, once a certain level of excitement has been reached, triggers orgasm: for example: alternately contracting and relaxing some muscles, thinking of certain fantasies or swearing.
The last phase of the individual intervention consists of incorporating the use of a vibrator into the stimulation process. For those who are not used to its use, it is convenient to gradually incorporate it into the caressing process, avoiding going directly to the genitals.
The last step is to achieve orgasm with a partner. This process of generalization from individual orgasm to partner experimentation does not always occur automatically. A communication process is necessary, through which we transmit to our partner how we achieve the highest levels of excitement. It can be done verbally while he is caressing or through the technique of Some other options can be: incorporating a vibrator, practicing oral sex, resorting to fantasies or adopting the position of the woman on top, since it allows, in addition to penetration, caresses on the clitoris.
When to go to the psychologist?
Whether women go to the specialist for help is related to their conception of sexuality. If, because of their education, they think that they are there to give pleasure or that the objective of sexuality is only procreation, there is no doubt, they will not come because they do not care about their own sensitivity. On the contrary, if they are aware of the feeling of frustration that their sexual activity produces, then they will seek help.
On many occasions, an attempt is made to solve the problem by adding more romance to the situations prior to sexual activity with dinners, candles, flowers … However, sometimes the only thing that is achieved is to produce greater performance anxiety in women, making it difficult to achieve the orgasm.
If you feel discomfort during intercourse or when sitting down, swelling in the lower abdomen, you should see your specialist before the possibility of suffering from Pelvic Congestion.
Even if you are not able to do it with your partner, open up to yourself and ask yourself if the headaches are real or excuses to avoid having sex with your partner or if when you practice them you are left unsatisfied. But above all, recognize the right to get pleasure from your sexuality.
If not, do not hesitate, go to your specialist, he will surely be at your disposal for whatever you need.
Hello Readers, I am Nikki Bella a Psychology student. I have always been concerned about human behavior and the mental processes that lead us to act and think the way we do. My collaboration as an editor in the psychology area of Well Being Pole has allowed me to investigate further and expand my knowledge in the field of mental health; I have also acquired great knowledge about physical health and well-being, two fundamental bases that are directly related and are part of all mental health.