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How to deal with a separation or divorce

The ruptures of a couple or divorce are one of the main causes for general discomfort, overcoming the barrier of pathology reaching disorders such as depression or anxiety.

Being able to face this difficult process in conditions is what will allow us to resume our rhythm of life as best as possible , overcoming the pain of having lost one of the most important types of relationship we can have.

Divorce therapy

Many times those who are going through a divorce process seek therapy to help them organize their feelings and decide if they want to continue with the marriage union or want to separate. This goal can be addressed both in individual therapy and in couples therapy.

Ending a marriage can be an emotionally traumatic event . There are many reasons why marriages end and according to surveys, many couples present a combination of reasons that lead them to decide to separate.

Some of the most common factors that generate a couple breakdown or divorce are:

  • Getting married out of commitment or in a hurry
  • Incompatibility of the partner
  • Infidelities
  • Lack of communication or a tendency to argue
  • Inequality with regard to work, chores, or childcare
  • Disrespect for the other party
  • Manipulation or emotional blackmail
  • Permanent defensive attitude
  • Lack of empathy towards your partner
  • Financial problems and disagreements about money
  • Drugs abuse
  • Emotional dependence
  • Distrust and lack of self – confidence

Individual divorce therapy is usually used when a person going through a divorce process experiences feelings of guilt, fear, anxiety , personal failure, or depression. By working with his therapist the patient can gain an objective and rational perspective on what is happening. Individual therapy provides the necessary tools so that the difficulties of divorce can be overcome.

Divorce therapy for couples  can help couples who have not yet started the divorce process, and allow some couples to achieve a better dissolution of the marriage, in a healthy and constructive way. Usually the divorce therapist acts as a conciliator , helping couples find a way to express their emotions and can also help address other related issues such as living arrangements, parental responsibilities, and financial arrangements.

Those who use divorce therapy for couples usually manage to reach an agreement, this occurs through the mediation process, which is in charge of the therapist. In this agreement it can happen that both people are satisfied or that one of the parties gives way to make room for the other and avoid conflicts.

Divorce therapy can also help couples who go through this process to communicate better with each other in the future, taking into account that communication is essential to achieve a healthy separation, especially if there are children involved, since the The effect that a divorce can have on children will depend exclusively on how adults – parents – go through this process.

You may also be interested in:   Psychological trauma

Guidelines for dealing with a couple separation

The first thing we must assess is the very way in which the rupture has occurred. Understanding what has happened will allow us to shape our pain , looking for an explanation that, without making that pain disappear, allows us to avoid the negative vicious circle where our thoughts lead us to look for justifications and those same justifications make us think even more.

Entering this spiral is one of the most damaging causes that we can suffer after a break, accentuating the discomfort that we may feel. Knowing how to clarify what happened and place each of the causes in time will help us avoid it.

In a friendly breakup, we must first think of ourselves. Although it has been agreed to remain friends, it is better to try to create a natural distance with that person , always maintaining respect while increasing our autonomy.

Far from arguing with that person, he should know that he is no longer part of our life in a central way, having to place himself in the new space that corresponds to him. If we do not comply with this maxim, we will not overcome losing the relationship as we will be assigning a role that does not correspond to him at any time.

On the other hand, we must assess to what extent the so-called zero contact is recommended . It is a good strategy when we want to forget the person in the shortest possible time if it is done properly. Zero contact includes letting go of all the elements that can remind us of that person : keeping photographs, gifts, letters, telephone numbers.

Nothing that can be associated with it is what will allow us to make it gradually disappear from our minds. But we must bear in mind that zero contact has the danger of suddenly collapsing in stressful and highly emotional situations.

If we want to quickly end this torment that divorce generates or if the other party does not contribute enough, in order to create obstacles so that the fact is not carried out, we can go to the so-called express divorce. To carry out this type of divorce, you only need the will of one of the parties.

Feeling lost, alone, having a disagreement at work can force us to contact that person, which will make a meeting much more accentuated than if we have maintained some contact.

All this makes that our priority in the separation with the couple is to stay true to ourselves . Being active, not neglecting other spheres of our life and valuing contact with the already ex-partner according to our thinking and reason. It is not a bad thing to want to know about that person as long as we maintain the corresponding emotional distance, which is ultimately the best proof of improvement.

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Hello Readers, I am Nikki Bella a Psychology student. I have always been concerned about human behavior and the mental processes that lead us to act and think the way we do. My collaboration as an editor in the psychology area of ​​Well Being Pole has allowed me to investigate further and expand my knowledge in the field of mental health; I have also acquired great knowledge about physical health and well-being, two fundamental bases that are directly related and are part of all mental health.

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