Main types of toxic relationships and their signs

Relationships can be one of the biggest sources of stress . In the world of couple relationships, we know well the large number of complications and conflicts that can be generated, in addition to being so many emotions and feelings involved, the possibilities of having a bad time are very high, but also, of course, to grow as people and mature.

Not everything in love is valid, and not everything that resembles it has to do with love. This becomes clear when we learn to identify certain harmful attitudes and behaviors as enemies of love. Many times they are behaviors that under the influence of a state of mental derangement, such as love, we have not been able to perceive. Toxic relationships are when they have abandoned love and immersed themselves in a subtle, yet harsh world, full of discomfort and suffering. Because contrary to what many believe, love implies above all happiness, not unhappiness and suffering.

Learning to identify if you are in a toxic relationship can be what makes you open your eyes, so that you realize that this situation does not suit you, and that probably that person you are with does not suit you in any aspect of your life. lifetime. Sometimes it is one of the members, but sometimes it is even the two of them who realize that they live in a toxic relationship that generates a deep sway of unpleasant sensations.

The truth is that there are many types of toxic relationships, we are going to describe some of the main types and their signs, especially so that you better know these situations that we often do not notice, either because we do not want to see it, or simply because we are not prepared to see it. Faced with one or another circumstance, what is necessary is to become aware and prepare to abandon an unnecessary situation that generates stress and suffering .

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is a relationship that is no longer productive or beneficial , it does not cause well-being or happiness, it only leaves glimpses of good moments that quickly fade. The hope of maintaining a good relationship in which there is a lack of understanding and affection, is lost time and again, until finally all illusion is exhausted.

In the toxic relationship there is no longer a growth of the relationship , there is a stagnation from which it becomes more difficult to get out with the passage of time. By not encouraging the growth of both members, joy and happiness have been in the background .

It ends up assuming a negative network of emotions and feelings , emotional wear on the part of one of the members or both interferes in all areas of their life, affecting their social relationships, work, family, etc.

We know that we are in a toxic relationship when communication is a disaster, lack of respect is continuous, fights and fighting are part of the day to day. There is an emotional repression that generates a lot of anxiety and stress.

The main types of toxic relationships

When respect, affection and trust have been so devalued, this has generated a terrible emotional imprint, which can hardly be solved without having to leave the relationship . You have to know that for something to be solved, both must want to solve it, and must be willing to get involved in the relationship offering the best of themselves. Reciprocity is an essential key to taking steps forward .

In this regard, many people deceive themselves thinking that the toxic relationship can be solved. It is important to identify that in a healthy relationship the damage is not justified by love . Neither distrust nor disrespect is justified. It is known that both people want to get out of a toxic relationship when both are willing to change for the benefit of the relationship, when their project is common and their energy is focused on the exchange of positive emotions. If the path you travel is directed towards happiness, you are on the right path.

Depending on the type of toxic relationship, it will be easier or more difficult to get out of it, or even to be able to solve it to continue staying together, with new perspectives that are more beneficial for both of you. Here are some of the types of toxic relationships that can occur in a relationship .

Relationships based on emotional blackmail

In this type of relationship, the relationship becomes toxic because the love that could once exist has been transformed into a form of emotional barter . One of the members of the relationship learns to be the victim by constantly giving in on all the important decisions to be made.

The person who has played the role of victim in the relationship, whether consciously or unconsciously, has allowed himself to be controlled and manipulated in exchange for an implicit blackmail. This blackmail is intended to generate a feeling of guilt in the other person so that “they don’t do what I dislike”, be it: going out with their friends, partying, coming home late, etc.

In this case, playing the victim has a privilege, which is to make the other person feel bad. This person does not say the things that they dislike directly, since they act passively-aggressive , instilling guilt and discomfort at the actions of the other person. What could be called a full-blown manipulation. They do not let the other person know what they do not want him to do, they let him know by stopping talking, getting angry, withdrawing affection, etc.

In this type of toxic relationship, an implicit behavior of “I love you on condition that you do what I want” ends up being established. Love in this case is part of the blackmail game .

Idealized relationships

This type of toxic relationship is quite common, at the beginning of the relationship one of the members, or even both believe that they are deeply in love with the other person, however, they know them rather little, and have been taking some characteristics of that person to extol them and make them what you would like them to be.

We can simply say that she has not fallen in love , she has created an unreal image to venerate her. This lasts rather shortly if both people maintain regular contact, get to know each other and share situations together.

What is the direction this relationship takes to become toxic? The direction that ends up taking is that the person who has idealized the other has created a series of characteristics for his character, that the other has no choice but to conform to those characteristics, since if he does not do so, frustration and resentment appear. .

When they spend more time together and get to know each other better, and even in cases where they are already going to live together, it is seen how the idealized person does not change as the person they idealize wants. A conflict thus arises, in which the idealized person does not feel valued for how they are , and the person who idealizes feels disappointed, exerting continuous pressure for the other person to change. This is a form of abuse, since it requires changes in all idealized aspects, regardless of whether they are beneficial or desirable for the other person.

Fear-based relationships

In this type of toxic relationships is where there is greater aggressiveness and violence, both physical and psychological. Fear, as we well know, is contrary to love , so in fear-based relationships the only thing that can surface are feelings of resentment, hatred and suffering.

For this fear to appear, one of the people attacks the other either verbally or physically, with the intention of getting away with it. Let the other person do or say what the aggressor wants. It is lived like this in a constant threat in which “I have to do what my partner wants, if not, he will retaliate against me.” The person who stays in this type of relationship in the eyes of others may be a weak and cowardly person, however, this relationship has had a process, in which the person attacked has been alone, confused, with low self-esteem , and without a possible way out to be happy, since he ends up believing he even deserves what is happening to him .

In this type of relationship, the judicial services have to intervene , to separate the person attacked from his aggressor. Fear is one of the main causes to stay in that situation, that is why it is necessary to ensure the attacked person some security and a trustworthy company.

Power relationships

In this type of relationship, one of the two people believes that they have the right to make important decisions that concern both the couple and the other person individually. So he takes on the role of boss in the relationship .

This hierarchy with better rights and privileges is established without any real justification. This represents a humiliation for the other person, since their partner has undermined their autonomy and ability to decide . Perhaps at the beginning of the relationship he does not get to see this so clearly, but with the passage of time it becomes more evident.

Entering this dynamic involves participating in a very dangerous game, in which one of the members gets used to being the one in charge, and the other person has to obey so that the relationship is maintained and can move forward .

Clear examples of this power relationship are easily found in the relationships of previous times, in which patriarchy and machismo assumed that it was the man who had to make all the important decisions, for the good of the relationship and even of his wife . This is how the woman had far fewer rights than the husband, and furthermore, she even needed his authorization and consent to be able to take important steps.

Relationship based on lies

The person uses the relationship to fill their void or to compensate for certain deficiencies. The relationship is seen as a barter, in which love is used to get what is needed. It is a toxic relationship because the other person is deceived by promising love and strong emotional ties to keep them in the relationship.

The relationship is maintained while the person who cheats obtains the benefit that is supposed to him , at the moment in which he is no longer interested, he can end the relationship immediately or simply cheat with another person, especially if there are commitments to through with the couple. In this type of toxic relationship, the deceived person constantly suffers to solve an untenable situation.

All these types of toxic relationships have in common that they are destructive and diminish the capacity for constructive development, impeding personal development . They suppose a stagnation at both a social and emotional level for the person who suffers it. In most cases, neither couples therapy is effective, since a relationship like this cannot be solved if one of the two members does not want to see or solve said situation.

Staying in a toxic relationship involves such physical and emotional wear and tear that it considerably reduces the quality of life. If you find yourself in a situation like this, and you have felt identified with any of these types of toxic relationships, it is important that you do not continue to let it go , or fool yourself into thinking that everything will solve itself at some point. To get out of a difficult situation that usually causes you great discomfort, it is necessary to make decisions and make drastic changes. First of all you have to bear in mind that under this situation you have to think about yourself and your emotional care.