There is a wide range of situations in life that cause resentment . Some of them are minor issues, such as your partner leaving the room in a mess looking for their favorite shirt at the last minute. You choose not to say anything to him, but the next day, when he tells you that you should add less spice to dinner, you explode.
They are things that can be dealt with in the moment but, when overlooked, they sour and later come out in the form of reproaches . What happens is that you do not use communication tools adequately to express what you do not like.
To do this, you must change some attitudes that will allow you to be clear without offending, not saying yes to everything and not simply exploiting.
Tricks to avoid resentment
Here are some guidelines that are worth taking into account so that you are able to communicate clearly, without anger and without guilt. They are very simple tips that it is important to apply in all areas of life to avoid frustration and resentment.
When you want to communicate something that costs you, such as asking for a raise in salary or telling your partner something that you dislike, it is important that you be as specific and clear as possible.
The scheme to follow is as follows: tell what has happened, how you have felt, the consequences it has had, and what is the solution you propose.
It is important to avoid sulking because the people around you have not been able to read your mind and know what you are thinking and feeling. You need to be able to speak your mind to solve the problem , not to complain about how bad things have gone.
Flee from victimhood
Of course, it is important to flee from victimhood. Phrases like “I sank because of what you told me” or “I can’t bear you treating me like this any longer” are useless. The language should be neutral with phrases like “I don’t feel good when this happens.”
Do not accuse
When expressing what you feel it is essential that you avoid accusing the receiver of the message in any way. “I feel disappointed” is so much more effective than “I can’t bear to have you fail me more times.” You should focus on communicating what you know , that is, your feelings, avoiding assuming what you cannot know, the feelings, thoughts and emotions of the other.
Explain, don’t judge
The message should revolve around the explanation, avoiding at all times judging the other person . In case you have to talk to a subordinate about a wrong job, it is much more effective to point out that “the job is wrong because it is incomplete and such a thing is missing” than to say “this is worthless.”
When transmitting a message, what is said is as important as how it is said. The tone should be very safe, but medium ; neither too high nor too low.
If the message is delivered in a high tone it can give a feeling of authority, while in a low tone it can indicate a lack of security.
You should avoid repeating expressions like “sorry” or “please” numerous times. They should only be used when the situation requires it, not when you are stating your position on a certain issue. The best thing is that you reserve them for those moments, avoiding justifying yourself excessively.
Do not generalize
Phrases like “you always” or “you never” significantly deteriorate relationships. You should focus solely on what happened and the topic of conversation in question , trying to find the best solution.
Don’t back down
Surely you have started the conversation with a certain objective: to achieve a change , which can range from minor issues such as that the roommate is more orderly, to more important issues such as your superior entrusting you with other types of tasks than them. that you have been playing until now.
In a conversation it is as important to speak as to listen. Thus, it is essential that you listen to the reasons that the other person gives you, understand their motives and seek agreements without giving up your goal.
When you think a lot about a certain issue, it is possible to forget the final conclusion. It is recommended that before ending the conversation, you make a summary of the agreements you have reached.
Communication is not just about words. It is also formed by the gestures, the tone of the voice and the posture of the body; These factors convey both ideas and feelings, so they play a very important role.
Below we indicate which are the most common gestures of the three main attitudes. If you want to get your message across without being intimidating, it’s best to be assertive.
- Passive: in general, you do not look into the eyes of your interlocutor, your tone of voice is low, which makes understanding difficult, gestures are hesitant and shows a crouched posture.
- Aggressive: her gaze is inquisitive, she speaks in a high and defiant tone of voice, and she adopts a static posture. The moment he gestures, he does so in a tense way, often accusing the interlocutor.
- Assertive: look directly in the eye, but without intimacy. Speak clearly and in a medium but firm tone of voice. His gestures are harmonious and his body posture is relaxed and natural.
Learn to say “no”
Do not refuse to take on more work than you have to do so that your superiors do not believe that you are an edge and unproductive person or not expressing your feelings when a person sneaks into the supermarket line has consequences.
It is normal that you feel that you lose control of these types of situations, which can lead to two types of situations. The first consists of accumulating anger towards the other , who does not know what is happening to you because you have not communicated it. Hence, you explode for any trifle and lose your reason for the forms.
And the second, much quieter, is that your self-esteem is gradually undermining , thinking that people abuse you because you are unable to defend yourself or because you are not worth enough. If you do not break that vicious circle, the situation will repeat itself over and over again since your attitude is a clear invitation for the rest to step out of line.
By applying these strategies to all areas of life, you will surely be able to talk to others, without accepting their impositions and without losing your temper. That is one of the true keys to success and happiness.
Hello Readers, I am Nikki Bella a Psychology student. I have always been concerned about human behavior and the mental processes that lead us to act and think the way we do. My collaboration as an editor in the psychology area of Well Being Pole has allowed me to investigate further and expand my knowledge in the field of mental health; I have also acquired great knowledge about physical health and well-being, two fundamental bases that are directly related and are part of all mental health.