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Who do we fall in love with when we fall in love? Types of object choice in psychoanalysis

motion, like anger , are the emotions with the greatest dominating power in our mind, and it is usually very difficult for us to contradict it.

Some scientists have suggested that love is a cultural phenomenon that arises in part due to social pressures and expectations. But this is not entirely true because the nature of love starts from emotions, and these emotions then tend to conform to the social context of which we are part.

Types of object choice according to psychoanalysis

Psychoanalysis takes falling in love roughly as a special type of object choice , as a love object choice; between which he separates two great types of choice , namely:

  1. Anaclitic : When an object of love is chosen because it provokes associations with reference to another primitive object from the past , it is ordinarily the parent of the opposite sex, although sometimes it is the same sex, a brother, a sister or any other person from the childhood environment.
  2. Narcissist :  When an object is chosen because it represents certain characteristics of the personality of the same subject.

Both the anaclitic and narcissistic type of love object choice can be made:

  • In a positive way : the object of love is chosen in a similar way to the object of the past or to the self of the person himself.
  • In a negative way : the object of love is chosen because it represents the opposite of the object of the past or of the self.
  • Ideally : the love object is chosen because it represents what you would not wish the object of the past or the self had been.

Characteristics of the object of choice

Do we fall in love with random people or are there factors that influence our choice? Of course, we do not fall in love at random, each object of choice is selected taking into account certain characteristics, which we will detail below.

Wish:  The object of choice is selected by a general attraction attribute; This attribute is focused on the physical appearance of the person. This appearance is attractive when it is considered desirable or difficult to achieve; it also brings with it desirable personality traits.

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Similarity:  In this case the object of choice is selected according to the coincidences of personality , beliefs and similarity in the way of thinking. The individual looks for a pair that resembles himself and shares tastes and thoughts.

Age: There is always an age preference on the object of choice. Some prefer older, others younger than themselves, and others their own age. And although we usually tend to say that age does not matter when it comes to falling in love, we are lying, because even if we do not want to accept it, age is a factor that significantly interferes in relationships.

Correspondence: There are reciprocated and unrequited loves, but usually people tend to lean towards reciprocated love. When we know that someone is interested in us, it increases our interest in the person. While there may be physical attractiveness, knowing that our desire is reciprocated makes us feel secure in our choice.

Society:  A union that is accepted according to general social norms, as well as acceptance within the social environment, can help people fall in love. On the contrary, if the union is not accepted by society because it does not comply with the rules that it imposes, it usually tends to fade, although for many people the fact of not complying with the rules of the system generates so much satisfaction that they prefer to break the schemes and continue with your love outside the rules.

Isolation: Spending a lot of time alone with another person can also contribute to the development of love, knowledge, and passion.

Uncertainty:  The mystery contributes to falling in love, because if a person generates uncertainty we tend to show interest in it, and want to clear up the mysteries about what the person in question thinks or feels.

Choice of family figure: Many times the subjects unconsciously seek that their partners resemble their parents of the opposite gender, for example: the father in the case of the woman and the mother in the case of the man. Choosing a partner similar to one of your parents could be a symptom of an unresolved Oedipus complex .

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Hello Readers, I am Nikki Bella a Psychology student. I have always been concerned about human behavior and the mental processes that lead us to act and think the way we do. My collaboration as an editor in the psychology area of ​​Well Being Pole has allowed me to investigate further and expand my knowledge in the field of mental health; I have also acquired great knowledge about physical health and well-being, two fundamental bases that are directly related and are part of all mental health.

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