Communication in the couple: how to improve it

Communication is one of the fundamental pillars in a couple relationship. This is a theory that everyone knows, but very few know how to actually put it into practice. And it is not only about quantity, but also quality. You have to dedicate time to take care of communication in the couple , which consists of both talking and listening to the other person.

What are the norms of communication in a couple

Communicating with your partner is essential when reaching an agreement or resolving a certain conflict. But how many times have you said that nothing happens when in reality it does? This is something to avoid because in the long run it becomes a destructive and damaging attitude, which can cause a lot of damage to the relationship.

Focus on the matter

For communication to be clear and fluent , it is important not to mix different topics, especially in discussions. Otherwise, it is much more difficult to resolve the topic you want to talk about. Of course, you don’t have to go to the other extreme and insist too much on something. If a certain topic is already discussed and resolved, there is no point going back to it again and again.

Positive language

When having a conversation with your partner, you should always maintain positive language. It is important to avoid terms with some kind of negative connotation such as “never” or “nothing.” There are many phrases that couples say to each other constantly and they do not help at all: “you don’t do anything well”, “you always behave the same way” … Besides being very painful, in the vast majority of cases they are purely subjective. Generalizing is never a good idea.

I respect

The basis of communication in the couple must always be respect. Yelling and calling names is useless at all. What’s more, this only makes the situation worse. This is perhaps the most important point of all and, if it fails, having a cordial conversation and reaching a common agreement is very difficult.

Highlight the positive points

To promote communication with your partner, it is important to know how to highlight the positive points and everything that you like. Sure he knows how much you love him and what you think of him or her, but it doesn’t hurt to listen to him from time to time. If you only point out the negatives, you are not being realistic and may make the other person defensive.

Clarity

It is important that you are able to express yourself clearly and get straight to the point . Do not expect your partner to guess what you really want to say because that way you will only get both of you to enter it is a loop from which it will be very difficult to get out. Of course, getting straight to the point doesn’t mean you don’t have to explain yourself if necessary.

Active listening and empathy

To have a quality conversation with your partner , there are two components that are essential. On the one hand, active listening. It is about listening to the other person to get their opinion and thus reach a common agreement. And, on the other hand, empathy . You have to be able to put yourself in the place of your partner, no matter how much you think you are right.

Do not interpret

One of the main mistakes that many couples make when talking about a certain topic is to take for granted what the other party thinks from the first moment. In no case should you guess the thought, but rather put active listening into practice . It is the best way to find out what the other person wants to say and thus avoid misunderstandings.

Order

In the same way that when talking to anyone else, maintaining order in the conversation is essential. It is necessary to avoid interrupting and let the couple to express yourself while you listen carefully to what he means. Otherwise, reaching a common point of agreement is practically impossible.

Express motivations

If you really want to achieve some kind of change in your partner’s behavior, you have to be very specific about how you feel and what you want to achieve. A phrase as simple as “When you leave things out of their place I get nervous and I would like you to be more organized” can have a very positive effect.

No to reproaches

One of the fundamental norms of communication in the couple is to avoid reproaches . They are of absolutely no use and, furthermore, it prevents both parties from being aware of why their behavior is annoying.

It is a defensive attitude that is taken frequently and that is important to change. It’s not about fighting the other person and seeing who makes the most mistakes. If so, the conversation could drag on forever with no positive effect.

How to improve communication as a couple?

If, as a result of reading the previous rules, you have realized that communication with your partner is not as good as it should be, it is time to remedy. As we have pointed out, communication is one of the fundamental pillars of any human relationship , so it is important to avoid destructive behaviors.

Leave the conversation for later

One of the best strategies to improve communication is to avoid talking or discussing a certain issue when emotions are running high, especially if they are negative. When you are angry or angry , what you can say may hurt the other person, and that is precisely what to avoid.

In this type of case it is best to leave the conversation for later. Meanwhile, you can take the opportunity to write what you feel at that moment. This will help you put your emotions and feelings into perspective to better manage them.

Don’t use the past as a weapon

The past is a very recurring weapon in couple discussions. This is a serious mistake as it is about resolving the current conflict. If an issue is already settled, there is no point in bringing it up later.

To learn how to improve communication as a couple , reflect on how you talk to the other person when you have an argument. Phrases like “you already did this once” or “do you remember when …?”

Be a team

If you really want to have good communication with your partner, you should think of you as a team . When a conflict arises, it is common to blame the other person. But remember: you are not rivals but you are on the same team. This is essential to face all kinds of situations in a much more productive and healthy way.

Listen to understand

Normally in couple discussions both people speak at the same time, so that they are unable to hear what the other party is saying. Thus it is impossible to understand their point of view. This does not mean that you have to be in favor, but without listening to the other party, negotiate and reach an agreement is very complicated.

Be direct

And finally, it is important to be direct . Surely there are many times that both you and your partner do not speak clearly. You do it with irony or sarcasm. But the other person does not have to be a fortune teller. So it is best to be clear when it comes to resolving conflicts. If there is something you do not like, find the most direct and clear way to say it.

Finally, it should be noted that it is impossible to improve communication in the couple from one day to the next. This is a job that requires effort and perseverance. Sure there are many mistakes that both of you make. Now, putting these tips into practice, many conflicts will disappear forever and your way of communicating will improve.