Crisis of the 30 years: what we must take into account

When the threshold of 30’s approaches, an evolutionary crisis tends to be generated in some people , which we call the 30’s crisis.
It should be noted that every evolutionary crisis implies changes , and this crisis entails transformations when it comes to thinking about adulthood and thinking about oneself as an adult, which implies a creation of oneself and of a new environment if desired. But before continuing to talk about this change that occurs in people in some stages of adulthood, we must know what we mean when we talk about crisis. 

What is a crisis?

The 30-year crisis

When going through the crisis of the 30’s, those of us who are reaching that age go through an existential dilemma, in which we tend to question various aspects of our lives.

We are no longer 20 years old, we have changed, which means opening the door to responsibilities, uncertainties and radical changes that will gradually break into our way of life.

Perhaps that idyllic future we fantasize about is not the one we have, and at that moment we begin to ask ourselves a series of questions to try to solve why we are where we are.

From the age of 30, one begins to look back , what has been left, what could have been done, where one could have reached, etc; But we also look ahead , where we have arrived, which is what is expected from now on, and we also wonder if there is time to change certain things.

At this stage we become aware that perhaps we are not in the place where we wanted to be and possibly we did not get to the place where we wanted to be.

It is like looking in a mirror that we had kept in the basement for many years and seeing an image that we always feared but never had the courage to face.

It is normal within this crisis to feel that we are missing something in life that makes us feel incomplete, whether from a sentimental, social, work or personal level.

»The other day he asked a 31-year-old man if he had had his seizure. And he told me no, that he simply did not know where he had come or where he was going. And precisely, that is the crisis of the 30’s »Words by Sergio Alonso (Spanish Psychoanalyst).

Erik Erikson (American psychoanalyst of German origin), in his theory of psychosocial development, postulated that personality is influenced by society. And it is known that the culture of each society and the environment in which we find ourselves are the basis of people’s behavior and  personality , therefore the personality of each subject may vary over the years. A crucial moment in which various aspects of your personality can change is when you are going through the crises of the 30’s.

In most people the ” I” never finishes developing;  Well, for this, all the needs of an individual must be completed and satisfied  , and only at that moment will the “I” be able to develop healthily.

Often those who go through the crisis of 30 years, feel lost in the universe, anguished, anxious, disappointed, and with great uncertainty for the future.

Be aware of time

We are past 20’s, and in the blink of an eye we may already be in our 40’s, this makes us aware that our youth is over, now we are young adults and we are on our way to adulthood.

At this stage we are going through a creative, innovative and fermental crisis, which carries dangers and possibilities and allows us to critically rethink our previous existence.

This is the time to assume certain responsibilities, and change what, so far, limits our happiness.

Reflect on the past

This is the moment when we see ourselves reflected in our childhood and we wonder about where we have been and how we got here.

At this stage, different questions arise. Some examples: why did I choose this career? Why did I stop doing what I like? Why did I make that decision? Why did I take this job? These questions often remain unresolved for a period of time determined by each subject.

Existential questions about the past are generally accompanied by feelings of guilt, irritability, depression, uncertainty, insecurity , anxiety and helplessness .

Reflect on the future

“The subject can live in the worst of miseries, but cannot live a life without meaning” Jacques Lacan

And this is what we mean when we talk about future reflection …

Some of us think that at 30 we are going to have a large number of issues resolved, but we realize that our future is still under construction.

Is there not a career path that we have chosen? Does work get boring or too competitive? I still don’t have my own family? And my own house? Well, yes, these questions are what we generally ask ourselves when going through this crisis around the age of 30. If these are your questions, you are at the exact moment to re-evaluate.

There is still time for graduate school, there is also time to start another career where we believe we will find a true calling. We can go out to find another job if we believe that ours does not make us happy or we will not get where we want.

The crisis of »partner and children» that occurs at 30’s, arises because the subject begins to realize that time is running out , that perhaps he is already too adult for some things, that it is time to start a  family with a partner stable and children.

Well go ahead! It is time to wait for love to arrive (if it has not yet arrived), or to go out in search of it.
If you are already in a relationship, it may be time to take the next step and consider the possibility of starting to look for your own children.